Identity

 

If you want to tie your brain in knots, start thinking deeply about the question, “Who are you?”

Really, there’s an almost infinite number of ways to answer…

You can give some facts about yourself — name, age, gender, ethnicity, etc., as well as increasingly more complex details like what you do (or did) for a living, where you live, and your significant roles, relationships, and group affiliations.

But what kind of facts you provide here — and even what you consider to be “true” — will vary quite a bit depending on the culture and groups to which you belong and the other life experiences and interactions that have made certain facts more salient than others.

And this touches on another way we answer that “who are you?” question — through stories. Or, in other words, how we explain and interpret the facts of our life — or how others do — and even which facts get highlighted and which ones get ignored.

If you’ve ever heard two or more people tell their first-person story of the exact same event or experience, you’re probably keenly aware of how dramatically a story can vary depending on who’s telling it. Why did this thing happen? Is the story uplifting or depressing? Who’s the hero of the story? Or the villain? What’s the moral of the story? It all depends on the narrator.

And these stories matter a lot. They affect our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors — and can so easily become self-fulfilling prophesies.

But of course you get to choose what stories about yourself you accept or reject. And you also have the power to craft new, more uplifting and empowering narratives. Which is why we’re leaning into stories with our “Story of You” journaling series this month (and next).

You can think about identity in many other ways too — as boxes we put ourselves in, lenses and frameworks we use for looking at ourselves, values and beliefs we hold, the people we affiliate and identify with, the activities we undertake, the goals we’re working toward, and so on.

You can even take a spiritual perspective on the question. Who (or what) are you when you stop identifying with the facts, the stories, and all the other thoughts — when you let go and are simply present? It’s a profound question.

And, again, kind of mind bending.

(And that’s even before we get to the reality that we are walking contradictions to ourselves who are also constantly changing!)

This month inside Joybook we’ll touch on a variety of perspectives on the topic of identity and self-concept. But of course there will be no single, tidy answer at the end of the month to the “who are you?” question. And that’s as it should be.

What matters is taking the time to explore, to question, to consider new perspectives, and to become more fully conscious of what we’ve been telling ourselves, how it has impacted us, and what might serve us a bit better as we move forward.

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